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An Average Iraqi

An Average Iraqi is just a fictional character whose....well, fictional. I will use this character to make a comparison between him and real human beings like myself or any one else.

Location:Baghdad, Iraq

My name is Hassan Kharrufa. I am a 20 year old Iraqi student. I study civil engineering at the Department of Building and Construction at Al-Jami3a Al-Taknologia (The Tecknology Univirsity), Baghdad, Iraq.

Iraqi Bloggers BiographyUpdated November 11

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Driving Rules in Baghdad

  I just got this in an email from a friend of mine, I liked it very much, so I translated it then posted it, I think anyone who has been to Iraq will like it very much:

  • When you are driving your car in Baghdad, you will treat all other drivers as your enemies, and you will be treated likewise. Except for the US forces and their tanks of course, but still you will be treated as an enemy.

  • You must not use any turning signal, whether it is a flasher, or hand signal, because that will reveal your intentions to the enemies, if the situation gets desperate, give a signal for a left turn, then turn right, and whatever happens let it be.

  • Pedestrians are obstacles in your way, don't care about them and don't even look at them. But.. You must not hit, or roll over any one of them, unless you are ready financially to face the consequences.

  • Use the following principle when driving in Baghdad: "If your car is old, then anyone who wants to keep his car better step out of the way, but if your car is new, then stay away from the old cars because they are ruthless enemies, and their drivers are looking for a way to get some financial support"

  • When you enter a "turn-around" you must not look to your left at the cars coming from the other direction, because if you look at them, this means that you are paying attention to them, and thus you must give them some space to move, and thus loosing one your new rights after the war

  • When you are in a traffic jam, you will follow this rule "The first one to hit his car from forward....Gets to pass". But do not use this rule with busses, in fear for your fenders, and the bus driver won't even notice that you have hit him. And of course don't use it with the US army vehicles, in fear for your life...
  • When driving slowly, don't leave any space between your car and the car in front of you, because leaving such space will mean that another car might squeeze in this place, and that will cost you your dignity, according to the current standards.

  • When driving fast, you must stick to the car in front of you, so that the driver ahead will notice you then one of those three things will happen:

  •      1. if the driver is very polite, or a coward, he will give you the lane to go past him, and then you have made a victory and you behold the right to look down at him while you pass him.
         2. if the driver is not very polite, he will give you the lane to go past him, but you might hear some words containing animal names, and some other words also, you should have anticipated that, and your answers must be prepared.
         3. if the driver is not polite at all, which is what most drivers are, he will not give you the lane, and he will start slowing down, forcing you to slow down too, and then there might start a small war in fire arms, so you must pass him from the right or you will lose that battle.

    Note: This post has been emailed to my Email List subscribers.


    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Sounds a lot like Boston.

    5:51 PM  
    Anonymous David said...

    Sounds like some of the cities I have been in in Mexico,actually the U.K. and some freeways in California, U.S.A. too.

    2:55 AM  
    Anonymous Kilr0y said...

    I'll give this to my guys before we head that way this summer.
    In early 2003, I saw a glimpse of this while stationed near the Olympic park. Our convoys were still new to Iraqi's then, so there was a bigger distance granted to all US Army vehicles.
    By the end of the year, I saw these rules in full force. We were only passing through the Northwest corner of Baghdad, but there was pure chaos around us, which wasn't helped by the Strykers making their first appearance on Route T.
    One of the worst visions of that trip was of some A##Hole with his wife beside him and two beautiful daughters in the back seat. After passing my truck, he tried to squeeze between a Stryker and a local cargo truck. He pulled under a corner of the slat armor, and when he tried to slow down, the armor tore a chunk from his roof and shattered the rear window. The Stryker never even saw him.
    My favorite Iraqi driving tactic:
    Driving against oncoming traffic, for little or no reason.

    8:39 AM  
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